Years After We Said Goodbye By Monkey Skin /Translated by Chao Yuan I suspect that our memory has biases. Those good memories can copy itself, grow, expand and even become exaggerated or skewed. When you try to think of the past, the memories are always unrealistically happy, like a clear sunny sky all year around. As for those not-so-happy memories, they must have been zipped, and stored in a very deep pocket of our brain. Even you can finally reach there, you still need to unzip them and hopefully, you may be able to retrieve some long-lost pieces of unpleasant experience. What I really want to say is that for those systematically physiatrist people, oops, I mean for those who study cognitive neurosciences, this hypothesis may very well be a good research project. If one day you make some important discoveries alone these lines, don't forget to split your Nobel prize, also known as the TNT price, and share it with me. My hypothesis is not purely speculative, it has bases. For example, I have left college for almost 20 years, every time I thought about it, it always brought me those happy memories. In it, the sky was always high and bright, the air was always fresh and crispy, and life was so happy and worryless. I know that it couldn't be true, but I'd rather want to believe it actually happened. Just as I said a moment ago, those happy memories have ever since expanded and filled all the space of my brain. So, what else can I do with it? My memory about the past of course is not a total illusion. Those four years of college life was indeed the most relaxing period since I could remember things. Actually, it was 3 years and half to be exact. After college, the pressure on me became heavier and heavier. I really miss those golden days when every morning I could wake naturally, every meal I could eat until there was no more room left in my stomach, then sit down with my friends to play cards until the lights were turned off. I also wouldn't forgot those days when I could play basketball for the entire afternoon, and then soak my sweaty body in the cool swimming pool. Oh yeah, how about me skipping classes, and ride my 2nd-handed or 3rd-handed bicycle wondering around in the city until I was totally lost. Even when I finally went to classroom to study at night, chances are I would sneak out and have a tasty bite somewhere or just walk aimlessly in the campus. Without a question, the most exciting thing was the after hour movies in the numerous tea houses scattered around the campus. We waited all night long just to see the very educational animal kingdom documentary after midnight. Lucy for me, I never encountered any unannounced police raid which deeply hurt some of my fellow friends either physically or emotionally. Even without such fanfares and fiascos, I still experienced the ultra highs of doing things so insidious and so forbidden. On the other end of the spectrum, I certainly would not forget those romantic nights I spent with my first love (when I write this sentence, I can almost feel sweats dripping down my spine.) Believe me or not, nothing actually happened between us. I couldn't bear to just have those wonderful memories to myself. Every time I want to share them with others, I always brag about our university being the finest school in China. But when I was asked why, I didn't know how I should follow up. All I can remember are pieces of trivial things, I don't know how I should organize them into a convincing story. Then I realized that they could not be described clearly using any languages, it can only be felt by people who actually lived in those days, at those places, and among those people. Every time I tried to tell my wife about those story-filled four years starting from military training, to the embarrassing incidents happened in the dormitory, and the site-seeing trips we went in chartered buses, her response was lukewarm at the most. I thought she was not very much into our stories because she was not familiar with our people, so I tried even harder to tell her those hilarious jokes and fascinating classmates. I could laugh my ears off by buy saying it. Again, she felt clueless and couldn't get it. There is nothing else I could do but to give up. Then I realized that these things were indeed tasteless to many people unless again yourself had lived in those moments. My effort was not a total wast. At least she knew that Chengdu has good cousins and some interesting places. I made my mind that I would bring them to visit it one day. At least I want my son to see the place I lived for four years, and the dormitory room I stayed with six other guys. Beside good memories, there are also regrets now and then. There are so many nice places near Chengdu that deserve a visit. I have to blame myself for not doing it. I always worried about the safety. Back then, the facilities were not as convenient as them of today. Now looking back, we didn't need to go very far, barbecue in a nearby park would be just fine. Another regret is about those last days before graduation. Everyone had their own thoughts and plans, it was very hard for me to lead as the class president. Before you could realize, there came the last semester, the last month, the last week, and finally the last day. Everyone had plenty to worry about. I know to most of your guys, I didn't have a chance to have the last meal together, to cheer the last drink together, or just to say goodbye before we parted our own ways. Our college, our 4 years of life together, suddenly ended at that early July day of 1994. Since then, I have not seen most of you for 20 years. Well, it maybe a good thing because in my memory, you are forever the 20 years young college student. Yes indeed, there are so many things forever left in that memory of ours, in that campus of ours. Luckily, a few of us continued to stay together at Shanghai after college. We were like the biggest branch from the tree of our class, grew together at a new place. Although the pressure of graduate school was tremendous, at least we old classmates could hangout and have fun once a while. Time past quickly. Soon, we had to say goodbye to each other. This biggest branch became several smaller branches of which some were even extended to overseas. No matter how far we have traveled, our hearts are always with the big tree. Even separated by so many continents and so many seas, I always thought about you, my fellow classmates. Now days, I am so used to this separation and I become very afraid of reunion because that means once we say goodbye again, it may very well be another many years before we meet again. It will be only until then, can we share those happy memories and laughs again...... END |